Finals Week

Yep. It's here again. The libraries are packed, students are actually attending lectures because term papers are due, and a deluge is flooding e-mail inboxes campus-wide with messages of "study candy" reserves and requests for any possible help (extra credit from TA's, cumulative study guides, etc.) Students love to freak out during this time of the year, which I guess I understand. It probably would have been easier to not go on a random, spur of the moment sweatpants and jersey bar crawl last Tuesday and go to class last Wednesday/throughout the semester, but this is college. Ask Asher Roth, he knows all about it (Lollapalooza... seriously?)

So to honor this time of the semester, I give you three steps to make it through that 8-page, double-spaced, 12 pt Times New Roman font paper you are currently writing for your Anthropology 102 class on the origins of evolution and how misunderstanding learned concepts relates to racism in the past and present.

Step 1. Panic. YOU ONLY HAVE 3 HOURS UNTIL THAT PAPER IS DUE! Was that Cinco de Mayo celebration completely necessary last night? How about MNG? And Sunday Funday? Okay, yes they were, but still, you're running out of time. Frantically skim through three different books, pick a random page and find place your finger on any line. Now take that and quote it completely out of context and add it to your paper. Repeat multiple times using at least those three different books. That will solve the three non-web generated citations needed.

Step 2. Start to lose focus, but keep writing. Think back to a time before college, before high school, all the way back to let's say between 1996 and 1999. Sugar Ray just wanted to fly, Michael Jordan said it was time to "slam now... get up and do the jam now" (careful, don't start thinking of that Space Jam bar crawl from a month ago, great idea by the way) and how bizarre was OMC? Those were good times. You didn't have a care in the world. You actually had a summer to look forward to that didn't involve working or studying or, well, anything. Let's go play with our POGs after we make sure to feed our Tamagatchi.

Step 3. You didn't realize that that daydream just allowed you to write a whole page (two when you double-space it!) of complete nothing, did you? Nope, but you are now over a quarter of the way there. Keep it up. I bet you also didn't bother to realize tomorrow is "Reading Day" during which the University expects you to be studying (reading?) did you? Well it is. And if you aren't one of the very unfortunate students who have a Friday final... once you finish this paper... it's the weekend. YOUR WEEKEND STARTS ON WEDNESDAY! This should bring sheer joy and maybe even a tear to your eye. You will now be able to enjoy a minimum 4 night weekend.

And so completes the three steps to getting at least a passing grade on that paper. Through procrastination and lack of caring, you have just felt the three main emotions in life: fear, apathy, and joy. Here are some songs to listen to while following that 3 step plan:

This ones pretty self-explanatory. Panic! but with a fun, sing along attitude.
Phantom Planet - Do The Panic

Here's an oldie... see if you remember it. It oozes summer (and the late 90's.)
Sundays - Summertime

Hey Mercedes isn't technically a local Champaign band, but close enough. Bob Nanna attended the University of Illinois back in the 90's and started other widely known campus bands (Braid anyone?) He used to be in my position... only slightly more skilled in the music department.
Hey Mercedes - Our Weekend Starts On Wednesday